The Child Parent

In a very very small handful of ways, I am no longer a child. Although, of course, when my mother refers to me in a conversation with some peer or other third party, I am indeed one of the children of whom she speaks. I have been for almost 40 years, and I suppose I always will be. 

For almost 8 years now I have also been a parent. One of the greatest question marks floating over my head as a parent is in working out how much effort (if any) should be exerted in steering our children either towards, or away from, inheriting our own shortcomings, ... that in some way their lives might me enriched by either avoiding mistakes that we ourselves have made, or by sharing in successes that we ourselves have experienced.

Neither wanting them to become either carbon copies of ourselves, nor our alto egos – or arguably worse – so liberally minded that they have such an expanse of possibilities and freedoms that they are unable to focus and function in any structured mechanisms that might bring them fulfillment – I am currently dwelling on the following two helpful notions:

One, on the parental importance of helping to frame a child’s worldview. By this I mean trying to explain difficult and adverse situations, instead of removing them from them, or instead of shielding them from them, that as they grow they might have a healthy approach to building their own worldview frames.

And secondly, having wrestled with - and won over - some pretty pious teaching on the matter, on the beautiful realisation that we are all products of our parent’s inadequacies, idiosyncracies and coping strategies. And that this is not something to shy away from, mask, or be ashamed of, but something to be immensely proud of.

[1925:5723]

The Escape from Freedom

A response to a friend’s blog post on Freedom and Liberty ...

I would say that what you have defined here is not ‘freedom’ per se, but ‘personal freedom’. If we are on a determined quest for personal freedom then the destination is ultimately a place which is very lonely. It is also a place from which it is impossible to escape without giving up that desire.

Giving up the quest for personal freedom leads us to the next question which is with whom we are going to share our domain, our life, our space. Some people are free to choose their neighbours and others are not. For example in our country currently, social mobility is restricted by the state for families who have a high state dependency whereas the breadth of choice of living location is very wide for families who have either access to capital or who have strong borrowing power.

Of course some societal unpleasantries can be escaped by a change of living location, but most can’t and it is the tension between the afoermentioned diametrically opposed extremes which ultimately lead to various forms of ethnic cleansing. Either that or just tall walls.

A mild form of this can even be seen amongst religious institutions who preach ‘love thy neighbour’ but actually practice ‘choose thy neighbour’ by sending their missionaries temporarily to international neighbourhoods of their own choice, to live amongst people who are not able to leave those same neighbourhoods and - were it not for the ‘babylonian’ capitalisms within which said institutions are 'free' to practice – probably never will. Such institutions are effectively sending the free to preach among the captives instead of going to ‘set the captives free’ which is what their guru claimed to embody.

So freedom is one thing, liberty is another. My understanding of ‘liberty’ is as a kind of societal framework that exists in order to achieve a kind of ‘corporate freedom’. It allows a body of individuals to live together without allowing one man’s freedom to encroach on another’s. The supporting framework which holds this web in tension includes mechanisms such as legislation, contracts and cultural shaming. The latter of which seems more prevalent in Eastern cultures and used mostly in the West only where legislation, contracts and other social pressures are evaded.

[1861:5672]

Growing Up

By the time it came to the edge of the Forest the stream had grown up, so that it was almost a river, and, being grown-up, it did not run and jump and sparkle along as it used to do when it was younger, but moved more slowly. For it knew now where it was going, and it said to itself, "There is no hurry. We shall get there some day." But all the streams higher up in the Forest went this way and that, quickly, eagerly, having so much to find out before it was too late. (AAMilne)

A nice metaphor. Except for grown-ups who are still eager to find out.

All the fun is up in the small streams.

[1834:5609]

The God Of My Own Creation

Can you guess which person represents me and which 'thing' represents the God that I have created?

[1834:5609]